puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
