9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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