I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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