I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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