it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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