I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
