Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
