So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
