Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
