You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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