ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
