whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
