She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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