none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
