When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
