i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
