I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
