I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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