i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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