bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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