I wish you could order shots online.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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