i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
