Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
