Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
