The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
