i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
