I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
