Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you didnt know i had herpes?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
