did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
