im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So squirting runs in the family.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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