I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
