I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
