we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
