Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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