Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
