What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
