Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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