it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
