My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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