loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
