Ketchup is God's man juice
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
