went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
