in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
