i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
