Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
