so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
