How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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