Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
