Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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