tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
