so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
