I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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