fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
