how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
